just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
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