how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
i believe in u and ur pee
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
