Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
