I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
