Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
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