I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
