Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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