with your own penis?
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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