ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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