I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
