I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
