Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
