I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
