dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
