I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
