The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
