I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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