He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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