I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
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