do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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