Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
