ya dads aren't the best wingmen
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
