I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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