weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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