Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
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