i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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