i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
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