cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
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