he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize