Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I just cut my nipple shaving
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Randomize
