is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
