Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
