NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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