guys are not supposed to queef...right?
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
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