tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
