Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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