How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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