remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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