They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Randomize