I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
