my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
