This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Randomize
