Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
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