every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
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