White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I am naked and annoyed.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
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