Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
