my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
