I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
