I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
