How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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