I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize