After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
