I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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