Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
