There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Randomize
