your parents love me but you hate me
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
