The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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