oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I cut my penus on the lid.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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