maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
