I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
